The holiday season is a busy time filled with more than just overstuffed turkeys and teetering evergreens. It also is one of the most stressful times of the year. Stressful because it contains the most horrifying event of the year. No, I'm not talking about Santa's invasion of your chimney, for this is far worse.

Meeting the parents. While some people quiver at the prospect of going home to their own bizarre clan of Clampets, for those who our counting down the seconds to "P" Day, the prospects are far worse.

Psychologists and regular Joe's alike agree for the most part that parents have an incredibly powerful hold over their children-and thus, over their children's relationships.

One negative comment from mom-or even aunt Franny for that matter-could ruin a relationship quicker than you can say "more gravy please."

Spending time with your own blood relations can be daunting, but meeting your partner's family is scary enough to make even the Grinch flinch. No longer are you just dealing with your own drunken cousin Drew or overbearing uncle Bob. Instead, you have a whole new set of scary relatives to deal with. But fear not, that is why you have me.

Remember to smile. It may sound redundant, but parents have superior senses (think about your mom's inhumane hearing capabilities) and they can sniff out uneasiness from three place settings away. So act casual and keep a grin on your face. It will help them relax and thus help you relax as well. If nothing else, you'll build some spectacular cheek muscles.

Don't forget to talk. Unless you are planning on wearing white gloves, face paint and planning on being trapped in a "box", leave the mime act at home. Parents may seem scary, but they want to know about you. Give them more details than just age, sex and location.

Never forget that cleanliness is next to godliness. So unless you are visiting a family with their own personal army of maids, keep your room clean. You don't need to use your toothbrush to scrub the sink, but make your bed and keep your underwear off the floor. This will earn you major mommy points.

Sobriety is key. Now is not the time to join the circle of cousins around the "spiced" cider. For, while the effects of alcohol may loosen you up a bit, dancing on the dinning room table is not acceptable meet-the-parents behavior. Save that for West End.

Say "thank you." This is the easiest way to insure an invitation ­however desired-to next year's function. Be sure to say thank you whenever you get a chance. They will really, really appreciate it. And if you want to put some icing on the cake (or whipped cream on the pumpkin pie) write them a thank you note.

Meeting the family of your partner is a scary and stressful event, but remember that they are just as nervous about meeting you. So pack your suitcase, eat some turkey and have fun!

Elon University Pendulum © 2003